Wednesday, 16 November 2016 15:42

This is the worst pain a parent can have

Written by
Rate this item
(9 votes)

Parents with ill children seem to have regular trouble with the Dutch Child Protective Services. Over the last month there has been a lot of media coverage on this subject. Now the BVIKZ, the Dutch interest group for parents with chronically ill children, is collecting cases to investigate how often this happens. They specifically look into Lyme and the hidden misery of caring parents, who are accused of 'child abuse' or 'Munchhausen by Proxy'.

Until his twelfth, Charlene's son was a cheerful, social, creative and eager child. Without an obvious cause this suddenly changed dramatically: there were problems with his eyes, his skin, his hair fell out, and he was especially so tired that he fell literally through his legs at the slightest exertion and he fell asleep anywhere.Until his twelfth, Charlene's son was a cheerful, social, creative and eager child. Without an obvious cause this suddenly changed dramatically: there were problems with his eyes, his skin, his hair fell out, and he was especially so tired that he fell literally through his legs at the slightest exertion and he fell asleep anywhere.

Obviously this swallowed all the attention and time of Charlene, when it turned out that her doctor and also the hospital could not help her. Testing in the Dutch mainstream hospitals did not matter and so the pediatrician told her that it was 'certainly not Lyme' and that it would be between her son's ears. If she had to cancel an appointment, because her son was too tired to walk, this pediatrician asked him if he had a stomach flu.

She searched for her own costs. First in the regular circuit, but later more and more via the alternative route, where at least the health complaints and her concerns about it were taken seriously. This search would take more than three years.

During this period her child could hardly go to school. Charlene, who worked as a freelancer, not only spent all her time and savings on tests and therapists, but she also had to find a replacement form of education for her son. Because a child can legally not stay home from school.

In their own hometown there was only a place where young people were sitting where he had no connection at all. That is why she sought - at a distance of two hours - a place that seemed the most suitable. But it did not make any sense because her son was so tired by the trip that he could only sleep there.

At another school, where he had gone to, on the advice of the Compulsory Officer, he was petting a dog while the other children were running around him. After half an hour he was so tired that he needed two days of recovery to recover from this.

Because this is not so in the experience of Charlene hurry up and previously caused more deterioration, Charlene decided in consultation with her son and thereby stop all power to stop only in finding the cause of his illness. First had to improve his health and then he could go back to school.

Because when a cause was found, at least there could be an end to the period of fear, stress, loneliness and hopelessness of the three years before.

But by a report from a school attendance officer at VeiligThuis (VT) this turned out to be a completely wrong assumption. After the son of that school (with the dog and the running children) had gone, this Compulsory Officer namely without any consultation made that report. As a result, the situation escalated completely, and that has not yet ended a year and a half later.

Ironically, VT's first visit took place just after Charlene had bought a new home to create a new and stress-free environment for her child. As a symbol for a new start.

Upon arrival of VT a folder of Child abuse was immediately deposited on the table. The tone was set and within a minute the conversation went wrong.

Her son was called "outside bit" and he was asked about his sexual preference. Questions were asked, but the answers were not listened to. Charlene was accused of 'child neglect and abuse'. VT concluded that the 'symbiotic relationship' with her child would have caused all of his health problems. Deployment: Under Supervision Proposition or Out of Home Placement.

Despite all the accusations and the suspicion of VT, Charlene continues to search for the possible cause of her son's illness. Thanks to her loving perseverance for her son finally found a cause and the end of 2014 they had a "bright spot" at the end of this tunnel: at the laboratory of ProHealth was up to three times with LTT test Lyme and a number of co-infections detected. Now there could finally be a targeted treatment.

Charlene's son was treated by both a Dutch doctor, who took Lyme seriously, and an alternative medical doctor. The doctor had an approach to fight the pathogen, which turned out to be counterproductive. This doctor was heavily under fire because he is one of the few doctors in the Netherlands, who takes Lyme seriously.

This is done by using complementary treatment methods to deal with this. The other naturopath involved focused more on changing the environment in the blood, to ensure that the body can dispose of the toxins. As a result, a strong improvement was noticeable in combination with biophoton therapy.

This Lyme diagnosis was dismissed by the pediatrician and dismissed with the words "Ah, a German test ... whether that is so reliable". They were not taken seriously at all and the test results did not play a role in the further process, in which the burden of proof was reversed.

Charlene had to prove that her son was really ill. The statement made by her doctor that her son was seriously ill with Lyme as a cause did not help. Because of the attitude of the pediatrician, the suspicion of VT grew rather than accepting Lyme as the cause of the situation.

The Council of Child Protection was also called in and a report was drawn up, without an independent third party being present at the discussions. Charlene wrote to the Children's Ombudsman at her wit's end, but even this organization could not do anything for her to their own dismay. So a lawyer was called in to get help in this horrible nightmare.

Charlene had to avoid child abuse / child neglect, while she had been working day and night for more than four years to discover the truth of her son's illness. More than fifty relief workers passed in review. When the juvenile court judge decided during the court hearing that the son was obliged to go to a specific rehabilitation center for ten weeks, Charlene had no way to protest this decision.

Otherwise, an OTS (under supervision) or even a UHP (out of house placement) would be charged. Another young Lyme patient she had already heard that she had been mistreated there, in the same rehabilitation center. An example was that her wheelchair was taken away, to encourage her to exercise more while she was paralyzed.

In every cell of her body, Charlene felt that this was not the way her son had to go and the son also looked very upset, but she saw no other way out. In those first two weeks he was not allowed to have contact with his mother , from the doctor who apparently runs a harsh regime there. It turned out that the center had no knowledge about Lyme and the approach was that the fatigue would automatically change as a result of building up.

When Charlene tried to discuss it, it was dismissed with the words "It does not matter what the young people come up with 'we work purely and solely on the condition and on the social aspect'.

After the fourth week, things went wrong when he had to surrender the efforts and his muscles went down again. "Do not assume", was the encouragement. That is why Charlene has called in the CJG, the municipal institution for youth aid, to keep a finger on the pulse.

This was alarmed by what they saw. It turned out that all sorts of incidents had taken place, so the chances were that he would walk away. He had started smoking there, seemed traumatized and now suddenly did not want to go back home. His parental home was too infected with the memories of the youth care terror, as he put it himself to the CJG staff. Subsequently, the CJG arranged for a family-replacing home.

For the first time in years, the couple who run this house admired how long and carefully Charlene had done it all those years. refuses to cooperate with the person who knows the child best: the caring parent (s). She is now doing her best to come back into balance first and to heal these deep wounds. She is now following trauma therapy for this. Her doctor has declared her burned-out.

She has lost her child now, she has to sell her house and has stopped her own practice. Soon her start-up benefit will start and she has no other place to live. So that one report from the school attendance officer has led to an agony for Charlene, to a traumatized child who, due to all the stress, has become much more ill and has disappeared from view and a lot of social costs.

Charlene hopes that by telling her story other parents can save such suffering. If she has come up herself, she wants to make an active contribution here. In hindsight it had helped her so much, if only one experience expert had been involved in that first meeting with Youth Care. Now she knows she was entitled to it, but she did not know that then. The panic, frustration and tearing pain that arises when you as a mother in such a vulnerable situation, seeing your sick child suffer as a result of both the traumatic unsafe situation of VT as a result of his illness and then himself being accused so much and being dragged into court, she wishes - to put it mildly - on nobody.

She hopes that her story will eventually lead to more carefulness and nuance of the authorities involved. like VT. For parents who do their best to get their children healthy again it is incomprehensible that the logic in the legal process turns out to work completely the other way around. She calls this a death-blow: "The panic of my son was enormous. More pain can not be inflicted to a sick child and a parent of a sick child.

The damage to her son and herself due to this situation with VT and the RvK is immense. They have been marked for life.

Read 3927 times Last modified on Tuesday, 27 March 2018 22:55
Huib

Huib Kraaijeveld

Initiator On Lyme Foundation